Gestures

Thought a lot about being abroad today. Being abroad, and just going to college in general. How I feel so disconnected from my life back in the US. When I'm away from all of my old friends from past places, hometown, college back home, how do they maintain contact with me? Is it indicative of how close we are? Are those little gestures, such as asking for my address, telling? Even if they don't send me a postcard, it shows that, hey, they at least thought about it. Do they ask how I'm doing, unprovoked? Or am I the one who must initiate? Am I also at fault for the lack of thoughtful gestures, indications that I still remember who they are? My e-mails/updates are full of exclamations, awe-worthy statements, while their responses are absent. Thanks a lot, jerk, last time I respond to your dumb message. How can I possibly sum up, "How's South Africa?" Too many things to say. Too many ways to say it.

And when you are home..the people who are bored call you up. You talk about all those nitty-gritty details about what happened while you were gone, so it's like your best friends, but once you're back to where you were, college, another country, they honestly couldn't be more disinterested. The immediate gratification of seeing them is gone. But they still insist that you maintain close contact.

I sent out many postcards. No one asked me for my address, except for my stepmother and a high school friend. The thoughtful gestures have been doled out, with absolutely no expectation for a return in favor. But after months, no acknowledgment, no thanks. I feel somewhat obligated, being so far away, to acknowledge those who have been meaningful in my life (at least somewhat). And I hate to say it, but I do feel hurt. How do I respond to this slap in the face? Do I ignore those who continue to ignore me? (Grrr FB threads)

More importantly, why does it feel like I am being ignored?